Ownage

With Paul living the easy life in Cali, I guess that puts the "Honus" on me. It's my sandbox for a bit and I'll try to keep the standards high. Well...relatively high.

We'll soon be reaching a cruising altitude of 25K feet. I'd like to remind all of those on board to NOT put their seats in the reclined or even semi-reclined position to protect the kneecaps and sanity of those sitting behind them. Those passengers with long legs (like your captain) will appreciate it. I'd also like to ask all onboard personnel to not bang their drink carts into those elbows which may actually be using the arm rests on the aisles. Flight attendants are also reminded to be courteous and prompt in collecting empty trays as it is quite possible that someone will need to use the restroom but be unable to get up until said trays are removed. I will soon be turning on the no crying or screaming light, so I'd ask all infants and small children to pipe the f*#& down. And finally, I would like to ask that everyone keep their shoes on. While no one believes that THEIR feet stink, they do. Trust me.

And with that bit of housekeeping done, I'd invite all of our passengers to lean back and enjoy the uncomfortable and annoying duration of our flight. We promise to wake you just as soon as you fall asleep.