A hard dose of reality

My expectation that I'd post something over the weekend was quickly thrown under the bus when my aunt made her second trip this week to the emergency room early Saturday morning. A difficult couple of weeks has culminated in her being diagnosed after Saturday's event with congestive heart failure. The folks at the hospital quickly stabilized her and she has been improving throughout the weekend.

But nonetheless, those three words (congestive heart failure) are truly haunting for me because they are the three words which prematurely took the lives of my parents almost twelve years ago. Since their deaths, my aunt Helen has really become almost a second mother to me. And the prospect of losing her is deeply troubling, especially since I moved here, in part, to be closer to her.

Congestive heart failure is a chronic and incurable condition. It often portends ongoing hospital visits and hyper-involved healthcare. I hated hearing those words because I know what they mean. But I was thankful that she had not suffered a heart-attack or stroke which would have had more immediate and critical implications. Helen is indeed getting better. But the anxiety and panic which I felt on Saturday morning were painful reminders of memories I have long tried to bury. And it of course caused everyone in the family to confront the reality that someday Helen will be gone. Hopefully that will be a long way down the road. But the truth is that when that day comes, the members of my family will all have a major, major void in our lives. Helen is the glue.

Please send all of your thoughts, prayers, good vibes and four leaf clovers in the direction of Helen. She (and all of my family) really need them.