My Dogs are Smarter (Or, What an appetite!)

In his masterful puppy-biography, John Grogan recounts the numerous things his over-grown playmate stole from his family and ate in the 13-years that Marley shared their home. The list was extensive.

I've mentioned it numerous times before but it seems genetic; Lacy will and does eat anything, much like Marley would. While reading of the misadventures of Marley, I recognized immediately how and where he and Lacy shared the worst of all the canine traits.

To date the most bizarre thing that Lacy has managed to consume is still the first thing I wrote of. That harrowing tale of sock-swallowing helped name this venture and I've yet to run across another dog or it's owners who've shared any such experience.

Until I read Grogan's book. His chapter on the culinary habits of the domesticated Yellow Lab begins with a veiled reference to a similar sock-swallowing episode. It is never made clear whether Marley's love of socks led him to a similar fate as Lacy's on that night 3 years ago but by the end of the chapter, I didn't hardly care...so engrossing was the tale of everything else Marley consumed.

Just last week for no reason in particular my mind wandered back to this question of which behavior was stranger...which animal had the more bizarre appetites for destruction. That led me to wonder what was the strangest thing we've ever seen or come home to find destroyed beyond recognition at the mercy of Lacy's jaws.

Though I never wrote of it, the most irritating display of poor judgment from her came about a year ago when she decided to shred a stack of checks that lay interspersed with cash overnight on the dining room table. I awoke one Saturday morning to find the remnants of $1,100 worth of fundraising efforts in pieces on the living room floor. In that year since she's managed not to outdo herself. Until yesterday.

Upon returning from church we found one item and one item only removed from the neat stack of paperwork left on the table. As is usually the case it takes several minutes of study in order for a determination of just what the damage is.

On this day it became clear within seconds that Lacy had grabbed the mortgage statement from the top of the paperwork pile and ripped it to shreds. This would be the first mortgage statement from the new lender. The first payment on the new loan...the new loan that was born from months of agonizing roundy-round with our broker and the lender both.

Thankfully though, apparently only the right half of the statement tasted good as the other remained in large enough parts that we pieced together the customer service contact. And today I honestly did call them to tell them that my dog ate my statement.